This is normally advice given to people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. For some of you, the end of winter break comes close to that. Get your head right for school. See you Monday.
Here is a summary of Kubler-Ross's 5 stages:
1. Denial
This
first stage is a temporary defense against the pain of grief. We deny
it and tell ourselves "this can't be happening to me." We go numb in
disbelief. We tell ourselves, "If I don't experience it, it's not
happening." We may withdraw from others that remind us of our pain. We
may go back to our routines, temporarily distracting ourselves with work
and life activities. "I feel fine" can be part of this usually
short-lived stage.
2. Anger
The second of the
stages of grief is anger. The pain inside projects outward to others,
to the world, to person who left or even to ourselves. We don't know
why we are angry. We look for someone to blame, and in blaming we may
feel better. Anger can be therapeutic and gives us some temporary relief
as it moves our energy from powerlessness and victimization back into
power. We may shout and scream, and that feels good.
But anger is
difficult to be around, and can shred relationships. It can be
challenging to care for someone in this phase of grief. "It's not fair!"
is part of this stage. We may blame God. "Why me?" can be here as well.
We
may have other feelings come up as well, including fear and anxiety,
and guilt and blame. We may have unexplained physical symptoms arise.
See this page for more on working with
anger.
3. Bargaining
At this stage we make deals. "Just let me live
until_____. " "I'll do anything for a few more years…pay any amount. "
People make drastic lifestyle changes in an appeal to a higher power.
This is a stage of pleading for more time. "I'll do this and that…I'll
be good if you only…"
4. Depression
Here
acceptance begins, the certainty of death sinks. This stage can be a
long period of reflection, of turning inward and slowly digesting grief.
It can be a time to be alone, and cry. At times we may feel like we are
losing our minds.
For more on the relationship of anger and depression go to
Anger and Depression.
5. Acceptance
Here a transformation takes place. Acceptance
of the loss, and "It's going to be okay." There is a coming to terms
with death and renewed interest in life. You will spend the rest of your
life living with this loss, but it's going to be alright. You will
never be the same, but you can go on living.
